Tales for Awful People


How to Use This Book
October 11, 2010, 9:51 pm
Filed under: Guidance: Begin Reading Here | Tags:

Esteemed Reader: Most of your dear friends are terrible people whose lives resemble trainwrecks more than they do tranquil landscapes or pleasant still lifes, much less portraits of attractive people. Because you are sane, friendly, and well-groomed, these thoughtless wretches come to you for advice and bother you with their mundane problems until your tender ears are like to bleed.

The next time this happens, brew a pot of tea, and say, “Let us sit and have some refreshments: I know something that might entertain you and take your mind off of your bothersome problem.”

Go to your desk, unroll the top, and withdraw the handsome volume that you now hold in your hands. Open it to the pertinent fable, and begin to read aloud. If your friend is at all cognizant, she will sit bolt upright and exclaim, “Hey, what are you trying to say here, pal,” or something rather more coarse.

Here you will reply, “I don’t know what you’re talking about. This story is about a little chipmunk. Why? Do you feel that it is similar to your own situation?”

If your friend says, “No,” and seems to mean it, surely you can take it upon yourself to find another relevant little tale. If by the third instructive story, your friend is not in tears and admitting the error of her ways, perhaps you are selecting your text foolishly and should refer to the tale of the little robin who could not distinguish a worm from some discolored yarn.

Let’s read on, shall we?

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